In The Road to…

It’s absolutely fascinating how the road to where you are at this here moment lead you. Here I am, writing away on a sticky table in my new apartment in Los Angeles, awaiting for yet another day of work (tomorrow, KBS.)

But three years ago, it could’ve been quite different. The managing editor, Anne Kim, a fabulous thirty-something-year old woman of Audrey Magazine, reminded today me of exactly what I’ve been through and what is still yet to come. We were sitting around a table at work, just gabbing away about random things, when it was revealed that I had sang backup for Lola Faire and Baby J two years ago at KoreAm‘s “Unforgettable.” Somehow, this lead to me briefly discussing my life, its ranDUMBness, and how I go to where I am now.

In short (not really) summary of my ride so far:

Three Years Ago- I was standing in a recording studio, creating a demo tape for this group:

Isn’t it funny that if things went down that path, I’d be the 5th or 6th member of the above Kpop group jumping left to right, most likely sporting corn rows, an XL shirt and talking in a ghetto, overly accentuated Americanized Korean? I don’t know about you, but I definitely cannot picture myself in a group where do-rags are as cool as names like G-Dragon and T.O.P. I’ll admit to this though, I still lose sleep wondering what my name in the group would be–VolKano, E-rup-shun, Masta Funkaliciousness. Hmm…

Or this company:

SM (Sucks, Man)–

Okay, I won’t say anything more this shizz is enough to make a man dig his own grave without a minute’s notice from embarrassment. YIKES!

To think, it all started HERE–GROSS! (CLICK AT YOUR OWN RISK)

*cringe*

Three Months Ago:

I was sitting in a cafe (actually a fast food chain posing as a cafe) in London called Pret A Manger,

Pret A Manger!

nibbling on a Falafel Melt, keeping myself happy by swearing that I would come back soon. I made a pact to myself that I would come exactly two years later and sit in that very spot on High Holborn. John Mayer playing in my ears, a slight overcast breeze in my hair, and a glass of diet coke in my hands, all I could think of was how much I’d miss a city that was so peculiar and all the same wonderful.

<3 london

Bollocks, how I miss thee mate.

Three Weeks Ago:

Amidst the most stressful time in my 21 years, I went to Maryland to translate for my uncle who’s being persecuted (by undoubtedly the most evil person I have ever seen, heard, or run into in my ENTIRE LIFE) I’ve realized how blessed I am to defend my uncle. He has basically been my second father, babysitting me frequently  when I was younger. A successful pastor, he is married to a person who should basically go back to hell where her father Lucifer lives. [Ironically, this crazy B**** is my aunt, er, my ex-aunt, a psychotic whore who's out to destroy my uncle's life. Not only does she kidnap my 12-year old cousin, she accuses my uncle of physical abuse (among other things) had an affair more than 5 times throughout their marriage (and is now with a married man) is addicted to pornography (watching it even at work) pillages their old house and steals more than half of the estate...I'll stop here...but this isn't even a QUARTER of what this HIV-laden SLUT has done.]

In Maryland, I was able to see my family, (a family I haven’t seen in seven years!) and was able to catch up with two of my favorite aunts and two very special cousins. It was seriously awesome to see them again–oh how they’ve grown. OH, how I’ve grown!!!

Tanya and Lisa

The Atlantic

Three Days Ago:

I was at the Edison.

The night was young, and after pre-gaming at my place (just champagne and left over pinot noir) myself and three friends decided to hit (or quit)it downtown. We took a taxi, where I met the first person ever from DJIBOUTI (like, yo booty) in my entire life who was the taxicab driver. The man took us onto the 110 N and then exited third street when he could’ve just taken Figueroa, and totally milked us for extra cash. Anywho, at the Edison, my already tipsy self (drank lots of my birthday champagne–thanks Sunny!) acted kind of like a fool by refusing to speak in an American accent. The entire night, I was speaking in a cockneyed British accent (one that I perfected in London, mind you!) so thick, that the bartender could not understand me when I ordered a DAHK RUSSHUN.

Anywho, later in the night while sitting on a bench waiting for Sunny to come out of the bathroom, I saw this woman who had this extravagant red dress on. A little mix between a Korean han bok and a sleeveless cocktail dress, this outfit was entirely beautiful. So, still in my Brit accent, I commented how much I loved her dress: “your dresz is sou byoo-i-fuw.”

After talking for a minute, she was talking about how much she loved her job at Interscope. While we were talking, I noticed a very attractive, yet familiar face swishing her hair in the mirror. As she came up, I introduced myself and before long, I pinpointed who she was. It was that one girl from The Search for the Next Pussycat Dolls–Chelsea.

Before long, she was totally infatuated with the accent and told me that one of her group members was also from London. I was too tipsy to realize that I was talking in a fake Brit accent and would be talking to a real Brit in my fake Brit accent.

Both girls came out of the restroom to greet me, you know, that British guy. The British girl, in a fake wig, introduced herself and said she was from Kent. Immediately, without question, I shook her hand and said I was from Central London, which is far from the truth but not a lie, cause hey, I really did live there.

After schmoozing and talking to Chelsea bit more, she invited me over to her VIP section. I found out later that she was actually in a new group, another one of Robin Antin’s creations, called The Paradiso Girls, and they were all at The Edison celebrating that woman from Interscope’s birthday…

Little did I know that…

(TO BE CONTINUED–KEEP CHECKING BACK!)

[IN THE NEXT POST: Chelsea's phone number, VIP to Mariah, Styling for three "celebrities" for a photoshoot, my NEW SHOW!]